My hubby loathes our daughter’s jobless fiancé
My husband and I have three grown up children. Recently, one of our daughters came home with her boyfriend whom she wants to get married to. The young man is well-mannered though he is not as educated as our daughter. He is still looking for a job while our daughter is an accountant in a well-known firm. He is still living with his elder brother, but our daughter moved out of the house two years ago to a rented apartment. I don’t mind the guy, but my husband won’t give him a chance and has told our daughter to discontinue with the relationship. She is so upset that she has threatened to elope. The irony is that when we got married, I was better than him in terms of education, job and family background. Why won’t he accept this boy?
Parents usually paint a picture of how and what they expect of their children’s spouses. So they get disappointed when the children end up with a different person. They fail to understand the children have grown up into young adults, who are capable of making own decisions and that they belong to different generations.
Parents also tend to forget where they have come from just as in this case. You say when you got married, you were doing better than your husband. So, why is he now making it difficult for your daughter? You should remind him where you came from. What if you left him simply because you were doing better than him? Help him feel what this young man would feel.
There can be other valid reasons as to why he or you are struggling with your daughter’s relationship and that’s fine. Find out from her if she has considered those things. Having married your husband when you were doing better than him, how did that impact your marriage? How did it impact your husband as a man? How were you still able to respect him in spite of this?
Not having a job, though an important consideration, especially if it is a man is a temporary situation that can change with time. So don’t disqualify this guy simply because he is jobless.
What is more important is his character. You have mentioned that he is well-mannered. That’s what matters plus the fact he loves your daughter for who she is hopefully and is not just after her money.
It is important to also help your daughter establish whether this man is not just having a job or is simply lazy.
So, try to encourage your husband not to react, but help your daughter carefully consider key concerns before saying “I do”. Who knows, more than the fears he has mentioned, a greater fear could just be him letting his daughter go!
The writers are marriage and relationship coaches
