Keeping your child safe, during a crowded Xmas

Tis the season! That’s for sure. For some, it’s time to travel away from the family’s everyday location and getting to spend some time with the larger family, including; aunts uncles, cousins, grandparents and sometime family friends. For others, it involves going on holiday, staycations and going shopping

Being a two months’ holiday, parents have to stay alert and in touch with their children’s well-being, whether they will be around them or away. 

Martha Gicheche, a Mombasa-based business woman and mother of three admits that it feels good to finally let her children go on vacation, something they haven’t been able to do since the beginning of the year. 

“I have been with them during school days and I can’t really keep them here now that they are on school break. It’s good for them to spend time with their aunt and cousins in Nairobi as well while I continue to work. The change of location and environment is good for them,” shares Martha.

While she is not able to fully control their activities away from home, she sends money and makes constant phone calls during the day to make sure they are okay. 

“I know the best time to communicate with all of them is in the afternoon. So, they expect to talk to me about anything at around the same time every day,” she shares. 

Long holidays have a tendency to disrupt the routines that govern each household when school is in session. However, routines will greatly help in making the holidays bearable when it comes to managing our children’s expectations and temperaments. Routines enable children to feel safe and calm since they know what to expect while at the same time, they build healthy habits and essential life-skills. 

Voice of reason

And while they are away it is important for children to know what to expect when away from home, and what isn’t normal. 

Seven-year-old American actress popularly known as Cassie from The Cassie and Family show recently went viral on the internet talking to other children about what to do when parents leave them with adults who are not ‘good people’.

“If your mama leaves you in someone’s house and you get this weird feeling that makes you sick and scared, call your mama and tell her to come get you now. That’s your spirit telling you something isn’t right,” she advised children through her social platform. 

According to child psychologist Faith Mutegi, the very fact that the children will be at home longer than usual, makes it even more important for families to have candid conversations on appropriate and inappropriate digital content, personal security, boundaries and consent.

These conversations will help children be their own gatekeepers when they interact with inappropriate content in what they watch, listen to or even read. Parents and guardians will not always be able to protect their children from various vices in society, but the child can be empowered to act accordingly or ask for help when such situations arise.

Minimising risks

“Personal security entails letting the child memorise at least two phone numbers and the actual names of their parents and guardians not just nicknames. Go through what they would do if they got lost in a crowd as well as who would be a safe person to ask help from in such instances. It also includes what to do if a stranger pretends to know who they are and wants them to go into secluded areas and not tell anyone. Children should know that safe adults don’t ask for directions from children, but from other adults. They should also know that safe adults don’t keep secrets between them and children,” shares the Child Psychologist. 

She advises parents to make a habit of talking to children about what secrets, privacy, and surprises entail. Secrets are never meant to be revealed and an unsafe adult would insist on secrets. Privacy is respecting each other’s personal space. For example they should know that they are allowed privacy when using the toilet and while bathing. Surprises are kept hidden for a while to be shared later for a happy or positive event.

“We have to keep in mind that adults can take all the steps to keep children safe, and abuse can still happen. However, with vigilance, adults can do their best to minimise risk. When children know they have a safe person to go to with all their questions, they are more likely to ask and it makes children a little less vulnerable to sexual abuse by an adult,” she adds. 

Honour boundaries

While you work at their safety even from a distance, it is important to also cooperate with your holiday hosts for your children’s well-being.  Let those who are hosting your children know that they need not get offended or hurt if your child does not want to sit on their lap, give them a hug or kiss on the cheek. Let them respect the child’s autonomy and boundaries. 

“They can ask the child if they prefer a hug, handshake or high five. A child does not owe a hug, kiss or affection to anyone. They should be allowed to be in charge of how they communicate and receive affection. When adults honour children’s boundaries, children are better able to continue to set boundaries, which can keep them safer. Let the hosts know the rules and non-negotiables when it comes to what technology and other aspects your children are allowed to interact with so as to not waste your hard-earned efforts when the child is away from you,” she advises parents.