Are you dating? Invest with caution
A month after Joanne Mueni and David Ochieng started dating, they knew each other’s relatives and circle of friends and colleagues.
Three months later, Joanne moved to an estate near David’s. This would increase their interactions as they could use one car to drive to and from work.
Then they would cook in either of their homes before each retired to bed. Even before David went down on one knee, the two were already doing business together. Investing for their future, you may say.
They invested in an Uber business and further bought a plot in Syokimau. But then, easy come easy go. Their relationship started to crack.
Previously, it was like they had a lot in common, or so they thought. But while David was extravagant and more of a showoff, Joanne was careful in her spending and was keen on saving.
Eventually, they called off their relationship even before he had proposed officially. Then what? What about their investments? Well, they sold most of it and divided it into two. Joanne had to move to a different estate, far from David.
What about all those people who knew them as couple goals? That’s a story for another day.
No need to rush
Well, the dating scene has changed. The lines have become blurred. Hardly six months into a relationship and merges of all sorts are already in the works. All in an effort to affirm that they are The One, the only one in the picture.
Stanley Kibunja, a relationship coach, says there are no set timelines as to when things should be done. “Relationships start from somewhere. You built on a friendship slowly.
There is no need, for example, of introducing your boyfriend/ girlfriend within a week of knowing each other. You may end up doing that so many times such that your friends and family member may start giving each person they are introduced to that look that says, we have seen others,” Kibunja shares.
Relationships are characterised and utterly founded on trust. “Trust is what keeps the relationship afloat and even then, since you are not married, a lot of care should be observed,” he says.
And there is nothing wrong with working towards a common goal. There are those who go all the way into marriage and it works for their best.
“When it comes to doing business, be careful. If possible, sign contracts and discuss how to go about the business and business partners, not as people who are in a romantic relationship. The thing is, don’t mix business and pleasure. Always prepare for any eventuality. What if the relationship won’t work?” he advises.
The good thing about being in love is that you have a shoulder to lean on. You have that one person who you can turn to. But when a relationship is hurried, you may end up with a partner who doesn’t understand you, someone you can’t turn to during your bad days, because you only know their good side.
When things fall apart, unfortunately, the damage will almost be tangible. “The sort of emotional pain that one has to go through, to get past the friends and family, past the comfort you already had can take a toll on you,” Kibunja shares.
It’s worse still if there was money or property involved. “It complicates everything. How do they begin to split property acquired or clients and the like? Imagine having to start calling up business contacts to clear up things? “The situation may turn ugly,” he adds.
Until you are married, the expert advises that one keeps major purchases separate and documented. “Because you don’t have the same legal protections as married couples in case of a split, it’s a good idea to keep track and evidence of who paid what toward every major purchase,” he advises.
When the individuals are lovers, they oscillate in the extremes. They have too much love and when it goes sour, they have too much hate. That is, lovers, end up hurting each other, even physically after investing in love, time, finances and emotions.
So, what should lovers do to maintain sanity and stay safe? “Even if you can picture the entire rest of your lives together, the trick is to balance. Until you both say ‘I do’, you should interact in moderation, at least until things look serious and even then, too much involvement should be tread upon carefully,” Kibunja says.