Catching rest is a dream for many working mums
Ask a career woman what she does during her annual leave and you would be surprised that it translates to unpaid labour at home
Jasmine Atieno @ sparkleMine
As much as rest is a vital part of any human being’s life, it constantly feels like women, especially married and with children can barely catch this break.
That’s right, looking at the African setup, it is almost an abomination for a woman to rest.
If she is seated, she is either feeding her children or making their hair or just something revolving around them.
In the book Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe, we see in a number of times, the main charcter, Okonkwo, sitting under a tree basking or watching his children play, but never his wives on rest mode.
In fact, they are constantly worried about this and that. This is the situation for many women today. Even annual leaves end up being “working at home” kind of shift.
Recently, one mother left many in stitches on social media when she narrated how she took two weeks off from work, but told no one at home that she was actually on leave.
She would wake up early, dress up and leave the house every morning headed for ‘work’.
On several occasions, her husband dropped her to work, right outside her office.
But she would take an Uber back to a friend’s house, barely two flats from her home. She would cook or order take out, watch movies, drink whiskey and sleep.
She would go back home in the evening ‘exhausted’ having come from a tiresome day at ‘work’.
She would then take a shower and make her hubby rub her ‘tired’ feet! This just shows how working career mothers struggle to rest.
Mission impossible
Mombasa-based radio host and mother of two, Tina Mwaka tries to make the most of her leave days nevertheless.
“Honestly it’s just from office work to house work. It’s even more frustrating that I have to take care of children even when their father is present —homework, dinner, pick up toys littered all over the house and clean up before I go to bed.
So, when I take leave, I normally travel to shaggs because I find it nice and peaceful and I feel that I get more time to rest than if I stayed back here.
Although it’s not 100 per cent resting because I have to still handle the chores at home —I have to cook, go to the farm and other chores that come along. I don’t want to just lie around while everyone’s hands are full.
But I draw pleasure from the time I spend with my larger family,” shares Tina.
For Louise Barungu, a sales representative and a mother of one, having a house help has gone a long way in easing things for her, allowing her to constantly catch the breaks. Although not enough, she tries to make the most of it.
“I have a home manager to help out with things at home. So, I delegate tasks to my help all in an effort to rest.
Although being a parent, it is nearly impossible to be in a complete rest mode— there is always something you have to do or check.
When I take my leave days, I stay at home and step out once in a while. I also try to engage myself in a new activity.
As much as the leave is meant to rest and return to work refreshed, I sure don’t get it to the fullest.
As a mum, though I have someone helping, I have to ensure everything is done right.
And since I feel like I have time in my hands, I decide to again take care of a few things here and there, which I could not do while at work, they turn out to be a lot of things.
I schedule the last week for the actual rest. Most of the time, it ends up with hands still full of the “few things here and there,” shares Louise.
As family therapist and counsellor, Raymond Mwaura shares, rest is vital for everyone who has given quality of energy and time serving others or to a cause that demand their physical and emotional resources. This is called self-care.
“In African settings, because of our “lack” in many aspects of psychology, we take rest as being selfish.
Self-care involves reinvention and refilling of oneself; physically, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually and socially. One doesn’t have to hide to get it.
Married women need to discuss with their partner about shared roles in the house and plan leave and holidays accordingly,” says Mwaura.
Way forward
It is his belief that the 21st century family must discuss on how to share chores and responsibilities so that everyone is valued and considered for their well-being and functioning within a home.
“A couple can harmonise their leave days so that they are able to plan on how to rest and build their relationships without oppressing the other.
Remember, you and your emotional/psychological need matter now more than ever.
Our culture tends to encourage exhaustion with a “keep going, keep working, keep spending” mindset—exactly the kinds of messages that drain us during the holidays.
But this should change! After all, if there is one gift the pandemic has given us, it is permission to slow down, stay in and focus on the health and well-being of ourselves and our families,” he says.
The therapist advises that as selfish as it might feel, it is important to create time to relax. Healthy stress management, he says, requires daily intentional down time.
And when we give to ourselves, we have more to give to others. “Set aside time, it can be as little as five to 15 minutes, to reflect, pray, relax, take a walk, read, do nothing, even watch a favourite episode or two Netflix.
Just be careful to contain the binge watching to avoid losing track of your time. I know, it is so tempting. Make room every morning and evening for daily quiet time,”he advises.
