Mastering the art of forgiveness
Last week we had two days to bid farewell to the 2nd President of Kenya. The first day, Tuesday was declared a public holiday to the delight of many. What a befitting send-off!
In eulogising the giant of Kenya politics, it was interesting to hear how much he was loved and loathed in equal measure.
Those who benefitted from his generosity such as Deputy Governor of Nyeri Caroline Karugu, (by the way I also benefitted from his generosity as a Form One student at Moi Forces Academy) to those who suffered under his iron fist rule like Koigi Wamwere.
Those who had suffered the not so kind hand of Moi were quickly hushed, in our culture, you don’t talk evil about a dead man.
We are all human
Of course as they say in Parliament, the majority had their way, but the minority had their say.
We cannot ignore the facts, while it is true some people suffered under Moi’s regime, it is important to understand two things.
One, is that, however powerful and strong Moi was as a ruler, he was human. And that is what is important for us to learn in relationships.
The people we enter into a relationship with are human just as we too are. Relationships involve two imperfect people who come together because of their love for each other.
Because of our imperfections, we will disappoint each other, hurt each other and even betray each other. We will offend each other at one point in our relationships.
This brings me to the second thing, forgiveness. Instead of letting your hurt grow into bitterness and resentment, why not forgive.
Forgiving isn’t just saying “kama nimekosea mtu, anisamehe”, but it is actually going and facing that person in trying to resolve the issue between you two. It is taking responsibilty of your own actions or inactions that have hurt your partner.
Tell them “I’m sorry for ….” specifying what is it that you are sorry for, then asking them for forgiveness.
Or instead of remaining quiet with your hurt like many of us do, you seek out the other person and tell them, “When you did this or said that, I felt …”
That gives them the space to also ask for your forgiveness. It is by asking for and offering forgiveness to each other that two continue to be one!
