Of costly singles’ training and love coaching

Friday, November 5th, 2021 00:00 | By

Marriage is a lifetime decision that requires careful consideration. So, where do you learn to be a better partner and would you pay an arm and a leg for such services?

Would you pay a handsome amount of money to attend a singles’ training? This was a subject of discussion when a motivational speaker and relationship expert recently posted a Singles’ Night event invite on social media.

Attendees are supposed to pay Sh12,000 per person.While some people felt that it was a good idea, many saw this as exploitative and taking advantage of the single people. 

For Sara Wanjiku, going for a seminar where she paid Sh10,000 was  not in vain.

“I had just gone through a break-up and it felt like I was stuck in a pit of emotions with no one who could understand what I was going through.

I came out of that seminar with a better self-esteem and confidence. I also got tips that helped me find a mate,” she says. 

In the meeting, Sara recalls how the speaker assisted attendees explore their past relationships and family history.

He helped her identify her bad habits enabling her to be more conscious of making better choices for future relationships. 

“Because of the break-up, I had fear of rejection and I drove men away when they were interested. I found out what my values were and broke the limiting beliefs that were in my subconscious mind,” she shares.

As relationship expert Dayan Masinde observes, people attend such seminars to seek knowledge.

“People have come to the realisation that to sustain relationships and marriages, you need knowledge.

We are living in times where there is more knowledge available, whether online or  physical events to better equip people, help them heal from relationship traumas, help them nurture their lives and even find a spouse.

Women are largely not only interested to know more about love; but also how to show their interest confidently and are willing to attend such events because a healthy marriage and companionship is the desire of many.

Men are catching up and investing in their relationships and marriages,” he explains. 

Masinde notes that just as people go to formal school to learn about how to be a professional in their careers, there is need to gather knowledge when it comes to being great partners. 

The need

 “Where do we go to learn how to be a better partner? These seminars can provide such a space to learn.

The truth is many adults had bad examples of marriage from their parents, lacked romantic mentorship and have experienced avoidable mistakes in their quest for love; these seminars are much needed to fill this gap,” he says. 

Syaviha Mulengya, an author, motivational speaker and preacher, believes that such meetings are important following the high rates of divorce, domestic violence and even spousal killings in the country. 

“The lack of knowledge is one of the reasons there are many failed relationships and marriages that leave many heartbroken. That is why I wrote Men are Crying and Women are Weeping and Secrets For The Singles,” he says. 

Syaviha cautions though that for it to work, the attendees need to put what they have learnt in practice.

“Many relationships are ailing and this means there are problems that need to be solved.

I pray that speakers and preachers don’t take advantage of people because there are in need , teach them the right thing - real, don’t lie or take advantage of them,” he notes. 

Masinde concurs adding that even with the pure intent of some to impart knowledge, there are some that are exploitative.

“Some people organise such platforms simply to make money, build a following or sell products with no intention to add value,” he says. 

When it comes to pricing, Masinde explains that a lot of factors need to be put into consideration. 

“Consider the target audience, venue of the seminar, the extras (does it also include entertainment, food and executive ambience), quality of the event and brand value of the speakers.

There are different seminars for different audiences. Most seminars organised by churches or fellowships are often free or with a small fee since the church already provides the venue and logistics,” he adds. 

Even with this, Masinde warns that the focus should not just be on women only;  men too should be added in the equation.

“My concern is when we prepare women more for marriage and parenthood than we do men leading to disjointed relationships,” he says. 

Where are the men?

Relationship expert Allan Lawrence also agrees saying that while these trainings are great for knowledge sake, they should not only target women. “You find that 98 per cent of the attendees are women, so it is great to encourage men to attend too.

If they value their relationships, they should invest in it. Honestly, today people are investing in weddings only to have great photos for social media, but marriage coaching will equip them to be armed, so that they don’t marry blindly as if they are signing the appliances warranty where it’s only the one who formulates them that reads,” he advises. 

Masinde recommends that singles attend these trainings where both men and women issues are addressed.

“You might find your potential spouse in such an event, who is also willing to learn.

I also suggest that one attends trainings where speakers have a consistent message of principles on how to nurture love —speakers who have demonstrated they are in it for the right reasons.

Also, since you are going to get something of value from the seminar, be willing to pay if there is a charge and remember that learning about love is a continuous journey. Keep learning beyond the seminars,” he says.

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