Pato let down by fractious farewell
For his retirement farewell party, Pato wore a dark blue two-piece suit as if he was heading for a job interview. To dazzle fellow employees and invited guests, he showed up in a pink shirt adorned with a green necktie.
He remembered to wear shiny white shoes in case he was ambushed to open a dance. Throughout his preparations for the party, he did not request his spouse to accompany him.
He only said: “Due to the Covid-19 protocols, this year’s ‘staff party’ is restricted to a few employees only.”
Earlier on, Ben had requested managers led by Phyllice Nsao, the HR Manager, to propose a suitable gift for Pato. The request created three factions among the managers.
The first one recommended that Trulogic should assist Pato to complete his bungalow in the rural area. Those who Pato owed money rallied for a hard cash gift.
The rest of the managers were for a large plaque calligraphed: “Trulogic honours Patrick Mutsemi, former Logistics Manager, for his exemplary management of luggage delivery services.”
The other bone of contention among managers was who would speak on their behalf at the function. The Procurement Manager, who was always at loggerheads with Pato, refused the offer herself. She was not attending the party due to unavoidable personal commitments.
After a tolerant exchange of views, managers were unable to select a representative. To the chagrin of other managers, Phyllice volunteered herself. She had a soft spot for Pato, who was her full-time HR mentee.
Staff members of Pato’s logistics department were also split on which gift to buy for him. Some, particularly those who were not in his good books, swore not to contribute towards the cost of any proposed gift. They accused him of having stunted their career progression.
A member of the group said: “It would be sheer hypocrisy to express gratitude to him simply because he is leaving the company.”
Another group suggested a two-year renewal of his National Hospital Insurance Fund (NHIF) membership, in case he suffered from any medical conditions.
Uphill task
It was an uphill task for employees in the logistics department to agree on who was to speak on their behalf. When Mercy Laito, the Senior Transport Officer, was proposed, drivers booed.
They finally settled on Mark Taube, the millennial driver who was Pato’s favourite employee.
As he trooped to the high table on the party evening, Pato was applauded by workers and guests who were whetting their appetites for the prepared meals.
Already some guests had gulped down strong drinks that were beginning to make them more confident than in ordinary times. Employees observed social distancing but talked with loud voices, which were audible in the neighbouring tables.
One employee was heard saying: “Pato had harassed me for so long that I decided to attend his farewell party to confirm that he is finally going out of Trilogy. Good riddance! Phew!”
On another table, millennial drivers praised Pato as: “A hero who had accommodated a number of our controversial ideas such as a different Driver of the Year Award for graduate drivers.”
Acting as the Master of Ceremony, Lillian Kurai, the Learning and Development manager, invited Mark to deliver a speech on behalf of the logistics department.
Mark eloquently praised Pato hoping that his successor would tiptoe on his footprints. He made an innuendo on CEO Ben who was dragging his feet on making changes required for a vibrant transgenerational workplace.
In the middle of her speech, Phyllice said: “Conflicts are part and parcel of working relationships. It is how people resolve them that makes a difference. Pato managed conflicts with a distinct tone of humour.” The gathering applauded her so much that she had to shout: “Order! Order!”
Lilian invites Pato
When Lillian invited Pato to the podium, everyone in the hall ululated, applauded and made a standing ovation. After clearing his throat, he said: “Ladies and Gentleman, all protocols observed.
I am humbled by the praises that have been showered on me this evening. It has been a long time together. I have completed my working life, making both friends and enemies. But that was all about work, which had to be done for Trulogic to prosper to where it is today.”
He closed his speech without expressing gratitude to anybody. He always believed that most employees at Trulogic were against him. Falling short of shouting:”Good riddance to Trulogic,” he meekly sat down.
By the time he stood to speak, CEO Ben, who had taken a few beers, told staff: “It is advisable for retiring employees, like Pato, to prudently manage their terminal benefits, especially the lump sum. Monthly salaries will be history.”
He strongly proposed that retirees would enjoy their retirement if they received a guaranteed regular income such as a pension. They can also convert their lump sum into either an income drawdown with a RBA registered pension administrator or purchase an annuity from an insurance company.
Another option was to invest the lump sum in Treasury infrastructure bonds to earn half-yearly interest over ten or more years.
Off the cuff, Ben shared saddening stories of retirees who had emptied their retirement coffers through wrong investments.
He cautioned: “Beware of mushrooming get-rich-quick opportunities. If saving and investing out of the salary does not make employees rich, then joining pyramid schemes in retirement will ditch them into irredeemable poverty.” So, if the deal sounds too good, fresh retirees should think more than twice.
Controversial issue
On the controversial issue of a retirement home, Ben said: “It is a waste of money to continue living in a rented house when in retirement. Neither is moving to a cheap house a permanent solution.”
Retiring employees are better off vacating other people’s houses than waiting for shameful evictions. Pato fidgeted in his seat. He had planned to stay in Nairobi for a while to complete his bungalow in the rural area.
Ben noted some uneasiness among some staff members. It dawned on him that his speech was losing its intended message. But he soldered on: “For longevity, you need to live a healthy lifestyle.
Eat balanced diets; undertake physical exercises; have peace of mind and trust in God.”
In closing his long speech, Ben urged Pato: “Out there, become number one ambassador of Trulogic. The company will always be your home whenever you require assistance. The floor is now open to those presenting farewell gifts to Pato.”
As he received and unwrapped each gift, Pato’s heart sank to rock bottom. None of the gifts met his expectations.
The writer is HRD Consultant and Author of Transition into Retirement;
[email protected]
