Please help! My daughter wants to marry a poor man

Monday, January 10th, 2022 11:15 | By
Happy couple.

Happy New Year Achokis.

This year has started with a bang! My daughter surprised me towards the end of last year with a guy, who I think is not a good fit for her. 

My daughter has studied so hard and has a good job. Having done my background check on her boyfriend, he seems to be just a simple guy who is struggling in his business.

My daughter has insisted that she wants to tie the knot with him this year.  That was her New Year’s message to me. I have tried to discourage her, but she is adamant.

I have friends who have seen their children go through so much pain in marriage and I can’t imagine mine do the same. How do I stop her?  - Jimmy

Our take

Happy New Year Jimmy.  We can only understand the shock on getting that New Year’s message.

As parents, we struggle letting go of our children, especially our daughters as we wonder if the man marrying them will take good care of them.

There’s, therefore anxiety over the thought of them leaving us and getting married.

Added to that, the fact that the young man is not doing so well further increases your anxiety and that’s understandable. Take time to allow it to sink in. 

Don’t discourage the relationship because if you do so, you may just strengthen her love for that young man and they may elope.

The more you push her to stop, the more you may be pushing her away from you and into that young man’s arms.

Love, after all is blind. Instead, take time talking with your daughter about it. 

Ask her all the questions that may be bothering you and also be vulnerable with her expressing your own fears to her.

Give her the facts and ascertain whether she knows what she’s getting herself into, what her decision to get married is based on and if she’s ready for it. 

We do understand that a man providing for his family is fundamental, but it should not be the total basis of marriage, especially in this day and age where women have become empowered.

One can have a very good job in the beginning of marriage, but lose it later on, does it mean that the marriage will end then? Some guys may start small, but who knows where they might end up 10 years from now. 

Things change, situations change

Don’t judge a book by its cover; instead endevour to open it up and read the inside. As he dates your daughter, date him as well.

It is by spending time with him, and asking him those difficult questions that you will really get to know him. Remember character is more important than outward looks and money.

At the end of the day, it is going to be your daughter’s decision not yours. Hopefully with time, things might become clearer to you if not to her.  - The writers are marriage and relationship coaches [email protected]

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