Resolutions: Setting parenting goals for the new year
It is the start of another new year after the pile up of holiday season events and things are slowly coming back to normal.
This is an ideal time for reflection; for parents, it offers an ideal opportunity to set goals for their children to help them grow from one level to another and ensure their future is bright.
Parents with older children can also help them make resolutions that may enrich their lives.
The past year may have had its ups and downs, but we always hope the new year is better than the last.
Rister Ratemo is a single-mum of two boys aged 14 and nine. She is looking forward to a great year.
Her eldest son is in Class Eight, which marks a great milestone in her son’s life while the youngest is in Grade Three.
Spending time together
“My biggest desire and goal for my children this year is for them to achieve balance in whatever they do - whether academically, spiritually, physically and even emotionally,” says Rister.
“Above all, I want them to experience care and love they missed while I was away from home.”
Rister, who has been a single mum for 10 years, had her firstborn child when she was still in campus.
“Unfortunately, our parents became tribal and we couldn’t live together. I also experienced some issues with the father of my second child who was an alcoholic and we had to part ways.
From that time, I have been taking care of my children single-handedly and taking care of their financial needs.
However, in the last one year, the father to my eldest child had to chip in and I am grateful that he has been there for his child,” she explains.
Rister who had relocated to the US for some time and returned home last year says one greatest lesson she learnt is that children value presence more than presents.
“In as much as I would send them money and gifts, my children used to miss me so much. That is one reason that prompted me to come back home,” she says.
“This year, I pray we get to spend so much time together. Also, when I was still in the US, my mum did not allow my children to see or visit their fathers.
I learnt that allowing children to spend time with both parents regardless of the situation is helpful.
They need to experience the love of both parents. That is why in December, I took them to visit their paternal relatives and they really loved it.
We look forward to spending more time with each other, taking nature walks, creating memories,” she explains.
Supporting children’s goals
Her eldest son has always been a performing student and as he prepares to sit for his final exams, she looks forward to great results.
“The good thing is that his father and I have agreed to support him in his education. That is one goal we hope to accomplish.
We pray for a great year and a great performance that will see him join a good high school as he transitions to the next stage of his academics,” says Rister.
As much as Rister want her children to perform well in school, she always want them to know they are loved unconditionally, whether they perform well or not.
Rister is also grateful they score well in their academics and is excited about Competency Based Curriculum.
“I am helping my younger son through the various school activities. The curriculum allows children to explore who they are as Africans and be creative.
It also allows them to have a space to express themselves beyond what has been the normal set-up of cramming exams.
I am educating them on spiritual matters on a personal level because I want them to be all-rounded adults,” she says.
Susan Catherine Keter, a transformation life coach says effective parenting begins with self-care and living balanced, healthy lives. And even as you set goals for the new year, there are things to take note of.
“One cannot serve others - children included-from an empty cup. For children who are in boarding school, parents need to find out where the child is in terms of schooling and identify areas that require follow-up with the teachers and/or school management,” says Keter.
Education matters
She offers: “They also need to find out any issue that needs to be addressed in terms of studies, extracurricular activities, discipline, items that are required such as books and for extra curricular activities.
Communication channels (between the parents and the school, between the parents and the child) also need to be looked into.
Don’t leave all the work to the teachers. Success of a child requires cooperation between the parents, school management and the learners.”
For schoolgoing children in day schools, parents need to check their school transport and routines, have effective communication between the school and the parents including diaries and telephone numbers to use in case of an emergency, discipline-in this case set rules such as routines (study time, meal time, sleeping time, time to wake up among others) and agree on consequences for breaking rules.
“As parents, you need to agree on who will be in charge of discipline - is it mum, dad, house help? Agree on what is permitted and what is not. Allow your children to ask questions and answers. Be on the same page,” she says.
Children under the age of three require a lot of attention since they are largely dependent on their caregivers and are not able to follow laid out routines on their own.
“As a parent, start this new year off on the right foot by committing yourself to have more fun in everything you do.
Spend more time doing the things you enjoy both with and without your children. You might even try new things that you have been wanting to do such as taking cooking classes or dance lessons.
Perhaps you can even sign up for some parent-child classes so that you can share your interests with your child, too,” she says.
