Stigma that comes with raising fat child

While being physically big might not always be as a result of fast food or poor feeding habits, the stigma that comes with being labeled fat as a child can be overwhelming. And not just for the child, but for parents as well. 

Anthony Ndong’o, a father of three shares that his eldest daughter, a seven-year-old, has been struggling with fear of food since her friends at school labelled her fat.

“It is hard to explain to her that she is just ok. She is a child and should not have to worry about her weight in pre-school.  Before schools closed, she had started refusing her meals. She even refuses milk saying she will grow fat. It is really unfortunate because we believe she will shed the weight as she grows. As a parent, of course I sometimes notice the glances we get when we eat out, but I don’t think much about it at all. I love my children, they are healthy because they eat right and that is all I care about honestly,” he shares. 

Emma Ouma on the other hand, joined TV challenge, Slim Possible in 2016 trying to work on a weight she has been carrying since she was a baby. Being a big little girl wasn’t always easy for Emma and it affected  her self-esteem while growing up. Aside from her parents who loved her regardless, she intimates that she had no one to look up to when it came to her confidence.

Weighty issue

“My mum tells me I weighed 5.6 kilogrammes at birth. I was a big child. And that’s how my childhood rolled out. Being a big child came with a lot of bullying— the children I played with would compose songs to mock me. At 12 years, I kind of turned tables and became the bully. I did not understand why I was being targeted—from my upbringing, skinny meant you were not eating well at home. Being a young bully basically made me grow a thick skin” she intimates.

However, after secondary school and into college, things changed. Her social life was affected. “People don’t care that you are not fat by choice, they assume you are lazy, which was a hard perspective for me. But I think I started accepting myself either way. After college, looking for work was hard. I attended interviews and instead of being asked about my qualifications… tables would be turned to focus on my weight. How do you manage your weight? What are you doing about it? I gave up on employment and instead decided to be a freelance journalist,” shares the mass communication graduate.

Her mum on the other  hand is constantly afraid that she might suffer ailments related to obesity. And she constantly calls to check that she is in fact alright. From a previous 150 kilogrammes, she has worked through her weight down to 95 kilogrammes, thanks to stress and portion control. 

Obesity, a health condition involving excessive body fat, is of concern to many parents worldwide. It can lead to health problems such as type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. Some children also may experience teasing, bullying, depression, or low self-esteem. It may make parenting a challenge too.

As child psychologist Merrab Akinyi shares, in Kenya, studies indicate that obesity has been on the rise in children between three and 15 years old, with urban areas leading as compared to the rural areas and girls being heavier than boys. This is also a worldwide trend.

“Parenting children who are overweight may be a challenge. Both the family as well as the child may be stigmatised. Parents may feel blamed and embarrassed as other people make snide remarks about their parenting. Parents may hear expressions such as, they are overfeeding their child, they are wasting food and many such similar expressions,” shares Merrab.

On the other hand, children  may feel sad, embarrassed, ashamed, have hatred for themselves, pain, hurt and many other negative feelings. Among the words one may hear a child saying are, “Nobody likes me”, “Everybody hates me”, “l feel bad to be fat,” and many more such expressions.

How then can parents overcome the stigma of parenting a child who is overweight or obese as they also protect themselves from how other people think about them?

 “For children, the most important things they need from their parents is love and care. Although there are many things that parents can do, l would like to mention a few. In modern parenting unlike in the past when children were to be seen and not heard, parents can talk about obesity and being overweight openly. They can find out from their children how it is affecting them and how they can work around it, especially if the obesity is brought about by modern lifestyles such as inactivity and poor eating habits,” she shares.

Way forward 

She adds, “They can talk about ways they can reduce sedentary lifestyle by going for a walk outdoors, doing some house chores together, playing a game with each other and many more. This, of course requires consistency and discipline on both parent and child.” shares the counsellor. 

In addition, take note of what your children are going through—their hurts and pains. “Parents can also encourage, model and adopt healthy foods such as eating more vegetables, fruits and water in their family meals. Saying, for example, lets take a fruit instead of soda and cutting the fruit together helps not only in checking your diet, but also bonding,” she advices. 

Through positive thoughts, a parent can make the child feel comfortable to talk about themselves thus enhancing a positive sense of identity and making the child feel loved as he or she works on his weight with family support. Parents can also search for parents going through similar challenges and form support groups and if necessary, seek professional support.