The man I marri*d 15 years ago is now a stranger to me
Hi Samantha. People evolve over time and so do relationships. Having been married for 15 years, a lot has changed and things that excited you or worked early in marriage may not be working now.
And so, it’s important to evolve together, navigating the stages and corners of the relationship as you grow. Relationships are not automatic—they require work and the mistake most couples make is to not make any effort towards it.
They get so busy with other responsibilities, parenting, work, and taking care of aging parents that so often, the marriage relationship is forgotten. With time, you begin to drift apart and that’s where you find yourselves with your hubby.
You must be careful with the new habit you are developing. It might just turn out to be a coping mechanism to escape from your loneliness.
There is nothing wrong with having a life for yourself, but in your situation, you need to be careful that it doesn’t take you away completely from him. Perhaps he has started noticing that, no wonder he’s upset with your going out. It is important to slow down and try to get him on board before things get out of hand.
So, try to engage him. Look for common interests or friends who can make him get engaged. He may just say some things that will help you locate him. If possible, request that you seek therapy as he may be going through something that is making him behave the way he’s doing.
The other thing you can do is to slowly go back to the activities that brought you together. Suggest ways you can re-engage with each other. It could be as simple as taking walks together once a week in the guise of keeping fit. You could also try gyming, roadshow or begin a project together.
What did he love doing once upon a time? Try to revive that interest before trying something new. He might not want to organise this, but you take it up. Look at the end goal rather than the narrative you are always the one doing it.
The writers are marriage and relationship coaches
