Too busy to date, yet relative’s pressure to marry is too much
Hi Achokis,
I’m in my mid-30s, single and a successful businessman. I’ve not yet found someone that I think I can share my life with. I’m too busy and rarely have time to socialise.
My family is putting pressure on me to get married. My mum has even tried connecting me with some ladies, but things didn’t work.
I feel okay except for this concern from my parents and siblings. Should I just get some lady and settle down with her?
How do I even do that seeing how busy I am? Is it advisable to hook up with someone via the net?
OUR TAKE
Thanks for your question. You begin by saying that you are yet to find someone that you think you can share your life with.
Is this because you are too busy as you have alluded to or you haven’t found your type, or you just aren’t ready for marriage? It is important to distinguish between these three.
First if it is a matter of being too busy then you might as well consider other avenues that can allow you to hook up with someone such as dating sites.
This increases your reach, gives you a wide variety of people to choose from while at the same time is convenient for a busy guy like you.
The only thing is that even if you get to connect with the other person via the Internet, please make sure that you actually get to meet with them in person and have several face-to-face interactions before settling on them.
Nothing can replace a face-to-face interaction, especially when considering a long-term relationship. There are certain things that you can only get to find out over time through interpersonal interactions.
So, you cannot avoid spending time with them, which means taking time off your busy schedule.
Too choosy?
Secondly, it could just be that you haven’t found someone you like, whom you click with, not because of time, but maybe because you are a little bit too choosy.
People like you, perfectionists, have a really hard time finding the perfect match. So, it may mean looking inward and accepting that there’s no such person on earth. You too are not perfect.
Marriage is about compromise, adjusting, accepting and adapting to each other. No matter who you meet, there will always be one or two things that you don’t just like about them. The sooner you accept that, the easier it may be for you to find someone.
Finally, it could also be possible that you are not really ready for marriage and that is okay. You should be okay with that fact.
If that’s hr any pressure to marry. You don’t marry for your family you marry for you. Sometimes our family or friends’ concerns for us are legit, while other times it’s due to their own beliefs, social norms or even fear of their reputation.
It is about them and not you. It is, therefore, important for you to ask yourself what you really want?
Is this the time to marry? If yes, why do you want to marry and what kind of person; character and other qualities, not just physical beauty? The writers are marriage and relationship coaches [email protected]
