What wi*l it take for these slay kings to man up?

Monday, September 16th, 2019 00:00 | By
Love. Photo/Courtesy

Someone said, ‘If you see a Subaru guy in a suit, just know he’s headed (rushing) to court for child support.’  It was just a meme, but rib cracking as they are.

This one here got me thinking...  these Subaru guys are always in a rush, because they’re never on time for anything except booking space for ‘Sunday School’ at either 1824 or Jiweke. 

You know how these ‘Sunday Schools’ get packed, you have to send in someone to book space for the gang. 

And since others have Sunday responsibilities with family, this guy is the only sure bet. He doesn’t disappoint, always happy to do it. There’s a catch of course.

The gang takes turns buying him drinks. Make no mistake though, there exists the generous breed, who’s yes…happy to hold fort, in fact he’s honoured to do so. And will ‘throw’ rounds for the gang. 

But that’s where his generosity ends. Because hey, that’s why you saw him rush to court the other day. Anyway, the guy lives in a bottle.

Even when he’s all suited up, you’ll still pick him out in traffic. It is early in the morning, but he’s still in his ‘YOLO’ zone playing those bongo hits that are good at first, but  played over and over again, you master the lyrics, but you can’t just stop singing, however annoying.

One of those torturous tunes that enters through the ear canal and proceeds to ricochet around the skull in search of an escape route it will never find. Until…well, the next hit. 

So it’s a Monday morning and this guy is still in ‘Sunday School’ albeit on his way to work. It doesn’t take rocket science to fish him out from whatever hole.

That makes me wonder how ladies fall into his trap. Because no, it’s not just one kid out there. Father Abraham himselfu

But ignorance is bliss no doubt. Until the Subaru gets a new ‘co-driver’, then the moment of epiphany hits.

Take this guy. He creates a WhatsApp group apparently to contribute for a departed gang member’s kid.

Don’t forget he has never seen his own nine-month-old offspring. I doubt he even knows the name. 

But, how these boys sleep at night and manage a snore is just beyond me. It takes child support to get him to man up.

Before we blamed single parents, now even those from ‘stable’ families aren’t man enough. Who takes the blame for deprived masculinity this time... The girl?  Upbringing? Internet? 

The end of the world? 1824? EABL? Wines and spirits? Subaru manufacturers? Saitan! Who takes the jab this time? Mama mboga, Mama fua?  

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