Lifestyle

Which careers make the best wife material?

Tuesday, March 24th, 2020 00:00 | By
Which careers make the best wife material?

Sandra Wekesa @wekesa_sandra

Many factors contribute to the success of a marriage, from things we can control such as our ability to compromise and accept partners as they are to things we cannot control.

It turns out our careers may also have an impact on whether our marriage stands the test of time.

While divorce rates vary by factors like race, age, and education level, research shows that the kind of job you have can be a powerful factor, too.

We sampled a number of men asking them what the average Kenyan man needs to see in a woman before asking for her hand in marriage.

The 10 men aged between 25 and 38, from different economic and social clusters, that we spoke to agreed that jobs, especially toxic ones can sometimes put a strain on a marriage.

Whether it has to do with how much money you make, your employment status, or working too many hours, when these kinds of issues arise in a marriage, they can lead to divorce. 

According to the men we talked to, women who make it to the perfect ‘wife material’ list fall under ‘nurturing’ careers such as nursing, teaching, farming, small-scale business women, secretaries and housewives.

One of the participants, Ken Ouma a 29-year-old banker at National Bank, for example, thinks that nurses make the best wives.

“I am yet to find a wife, but my cousin is a nurse and I admire how loving she is to her husband and children.

She is an astute, passionate, empathetic and caring person. It’s a nurse’s job to provide comfort and care for their patients, so it is only natural that they will do the same for their families,” he quipped.

Another man, Benard Ngare, 32  agrees that nurses can be good wives except when she has to work at night that exposes her to fueling romantic relationships with doctors.

To him, women in public relations and customer care make the best wives because their work is essentially to communicate.

They bring their communication skills into the marriage and help solve problems.

“I think that when you get married to a customer care person or a publicist, you get to have an easy time as a husband because they are polite keeping in mind that communication breakdown is a major cause of problems in marriages,” he says.

Also indisputably, the most favoured career for a wife by most of the men we talked to were teachers, farmers and housewives.

“With teachers, you are sure that they will be back to the house by 4pm or 5pm to attend to their families.

Also, the permanent nature of their jobs makes them predictable and are unlikely to cheat,” says one John Ochieng, a line manager at a retail shop in Nairobi.

The men believe that this career actually prepares a woman for marriage. “Since they deal with children, it is likely that they will make good mothers.

They also know how to control their tempers, so remain calm under pressure as well as are very understanding,” adds another man, 34, who sought anonymity.

Peter Mogere, 38 thinks farmers are marriageable because they are easy to domesticate.

Given they have tied themselves to farming, men argue that it is easy to monitor their lives and also have a lot of time in their hands to juggle both farming and being wives. 

Unmarriageable careers

Most of the men interviewed pressed reservations about marrying a journalist, accountant or women in high ranking positions regardless of the field they are in.

They argued that a journalist’s job is too demanding and involves too much travelling and thus may have no time to fend for their families.

“I feel a female journalist’s life attitude is likely to be influenced by media perspectives. They also get too much attention and get hit on by everyone,” says Ochieng.

Ken Ouko, a sociologist at the University of Nairobi says the process of spousal selection is typically ruled by socially generated stereotypes, the most prominent of which are ethnic or racial biases that have somehow defied generations. 

Close on the heels are career related stereotypes. In response to the revelation that one has found Mr or Mrs Right, the almost automated reaction from every parent, every relative and every friend is; “what does he/she do for a living?”

This age-old question underscores the critical role of careers to marriage,” he says.

He says the reason society gets overly preoccupied with spousal careers is because the nature of one’s career has a direct correlative impact on his or her performance as a husband or wife.

Some careers are said to be more conducive for nuptial cohabitation than others.

“Career stereotyping in relation to marriage is heavily genderised. Women who chose politics for a career may be applauded for aiming at the proverbial glass ceiling, but their nuptial rating soon reverses into negative index as they overshadow their husbands. Their parenting proficiency also suffers for lack of time,” he says.

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