Mwakenya c*mes to the rescue of h****sed CBC parents

Monday, September 27th, 2021 00:00 | By
Mwakenya on CBC illustration.

Mambo Matata

After years of agony, parents have finally found a solution to the huge problem that is the Competency Based Curriculum (CBC).

According to impeachable sources close to the sleep-deprived, dog-tired, overcharged mothers and fathers, there is only one magic wand that will take away their mounting troubles brought about by the new curriculum.

“It helped us through primary school, secondary school, university and job interviews and we believe it will come to our rescue now in our hour of need,” said the source who did not want to be openly quoted discussing the highly sensitive matter. 

He, however, initially declined to name the solution, saying it was a top secret that could not be disclosed to the press lest evil forces frustrate its success. 

But pressured to expound on the solution, the source suspiciously looked right, left, right again and discreetly pulled out from his pocket a tiny paper with even tinier writings. The paper then quickly disappeared back into the pocket.

“You need not be the Deep State or the Directorate of Criminal Investigations to know what that is. Unless you come from outer space, you would know that it is called mwakenya; a great invention which has been helping millions of Kenyans pass exams since 1984,” said the source.

He said with the help of this invaluable invention, parents, particularly those who were rescued by mwakenya many times in their academic journey, will now be able to safely navigate the treacherous educational wilderness that it the CBC.

Mwakenya, he said, would have answers for everything from Grade 1 mathematics to how to start a church crusade at the local shopping centre and preach fire and brimstone against all sins and sinners.

“Mwakenya never failed us then and it will not fail us now. Things are about to get as easy as pie with CBC homework,” said an enthusiastic parent, working on her minuscule encyclopedia in readiness for the next Grade 5 homework.

She praised mwakenya saying it was the key reason why there was not much murmurs from parents, learners and other stakeholders about the previous school curricula.

“If there is one trick we can pass onto our unfortunate CBC children, it is this wonderful invention that our generation came up without any guidance from anyone. Mwakenya is a work of genius and our proud legacy that some jealous people are trying to destroy with this CBC thing,” said the parent.

She said the coming of the digital age had given the invention a new lease of life, in that instead of microscopic notes in small papers, one can now simply hide the life-saving answers in their phones in the form of emojis and other cryptic language.

It will be also easier to pass the answers from one parent to another through WhatsApp groups and other social media platforms instead of under the desk as it used to happen in those bygone analogue days, she observed.

“Here is the news flash. Mwakenya is going nowhere as long as we are the ones helping with the CBC homework. No weapon formed against our invention will succeed,” said the excited parent.

Reached for comment, one scholar observed that without Mwakenya, Kenya’s public and private sector, and the economy at large, would be the poorer.

“Had it not been for this uniquely Kenyan invention, how would many of the people who are currently holding lucrative positions in public and private sector offices, including captains of industry, have made it there? Mwakenya is the 8-4-4 system’s gift to Kenya,” said Prof Kata Kona.

Prof Kona said the best way to honour the people who created the concept would be to pass it to the next generation through CBC homework.

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