Parents, improve relationship with young adults!

Parenting young adults can be challenging and disastrous if not well handled by both the parents and the youngsters. When mishandled it breeds tension, neglect and unhealthy interpersonal relationship, where neither party can play their role.

In parenting young people, both the parents and the youth should enter an ‘emotional contract’ and agree to cede ground and meet half way. Often, in the absence of the compromise, parents can easily mistaken young adult children for rebels. Actually all that is needed is a two-way communication and respect to develop the right relationship, where both parties feel adequate in making decisions in an environment devoid of emotional draining.

According to Ezekiel Ngobia, a psychology counsellor, innocent children who grow up in dysfunctional families lack control over the toxic relationships and grow up trying to escape the pain inflicted on them by parents and the resultant relationships. As a result, they often fall into the trap of risky behaviours such as drug abuse or violence as they to try to deal with anger, feeling of betrayal and neglect.

Young people are sensitive. Sometimes, they are unable to understand and discriminate between healthy and unhealthy relationships.

“Healthy relationships are not always ideal or perfect, they may infrequently exhibit some of the characteristics of a dysfunctional family,” says Ngobia, who believes parents maintaining a good relationship with young adult children doesn’t mean spoiling them, but giving them room to grow in healthy home.

According to him, it is okay for a parent to discipline their young adult children when they are wrong—provided they don’t overdo it. Sometimes, it is more helpful for parents to sit the children down and have a tête-à-tête without imposing their will on them. They should also give them opportunity to make own decisions—right or wrong—then correct the inappropriate ones. This way, parents won’t consider the young people rude. Often, all the young people want is to be listened to.

Children who grow up in a restricted environment tend to set boundaries, limit the information they share even when in trouble, reduce contact with parents, engage in coping strategies and transfer the mistreatment to their future children, hence perpetuating an unhealthy upbringing.

An ideal healthy relationship between parents and the young adults should create conducive environment for the youngsters to confide in their parents or guardians without the fear of being ridiculed or judged. Such will give them confidence of deciding where to go when in even the slightest trouble.

Parents should help the youngsters to always be composed and take correction positively. Their opinions should be respected as well because ‘parents are never always right’ in a healthy relationship.

Ngobia advises parents against overstepping boundaries when dealing with young adult children just because they believe in ‘under my roof, under my control’ principle. This, he says, can affect children big time as they grow older. Often, this will make them avoid constructive conversations, live in loveless homes and grow up with wrong ideals.

It is advisable that both the parents and their young adult children create a healthy relationship. Parents, being the models here, should be the ones to initiate the moves and show leadership as the rest of the family members join in to become part of the solution.