Stingy men on the spot for incitement on fuel price hike
Mambo Matata
The Stingy Men Association has been accused of being behind the recent protest against increase in prices of fuel.
Through the protests, the association is said to be plotting to cause a nationwide insurrection that will bring down the prices of goods and services to zero.
Impeachable sources in government divulged that it is not in the character of Kenyans to raise objection to price increases and the loud murmurs about fuel costs, had raised quite a few official eyebrows.
The hue and cry following the latest adjustment of petroleum product prices by the Energy Regulatory Commission (ERC), the sources say, can only have been incited by the men who would rather die than spend on anything.
Disgruntled characters
“There is something extremely sinister about all this hullabaloo. Someone is inciting Kenyans to make all this noise and we suspect that the Stingy Men Association is infiltrating the general population and propagating its dangerous anti-development ideology.
Hawa ni adui wa maendeleo,” said one source who requested anonymity for fear of being targeted by the underground movement.
Reached for comment, the Secretary General of the Stingy Men Association Gamu Mukono said he could not afford one.
“No comment. Making one would cost me dearly,” he said.
Describing the criticism of the fuel hike was “much ado about nothing”, the government source said Kenyans should learn to grin and bear the rising cost of living like good citizens instead of allowing themselves to be misled by disgruntled characters.
Saying that there is good reason why it is called the cost of living, he explained that it is the price people pay for being alive.
“If Kenyans find the price of kerosene to be too expensive, they can always cook using gas or electricity. It is not like they don’t have any options,” said the source.
As for motorists, he added, they have the option of walking or flying to their destinations.
He urged Kenyans to borrow a leaf from their government and stop moaning about the price of goods and services.
“If your government doesn’t mind buying goods for up to ten times the market price, who are you to complain about a Sh7 increase?
Stop the whining and dig a little deeper into your shallow pockets,” he said.
The source warned that if they are not stopped, the stingy men would foment a national insurgency against price increases, thereby causing a free fall of prices and the crash of the economy.
Foreign ideology
“Soon we will be seeing riots in the streets over the price of unga or bread like in backward countries.
That is the kind of foreign ideology that these tightfisted characters are trying to import to these peaceful shores,” the visibly worried source warned.
He called for a counter movement to roll back the gains made by the penny pinchers association.
“There is need to form an association of people who enjoy spending their money. How about the Spendthrift Association of Kenya or the Union of Extravagant People of Kenya?” he posed.
The counter movement, he said, would re-introduce the people to the joys of big spending and restore Kenya’s position as one of the leading profligate nations of the world.
Besides forming a counter movement, the source called for a ban on the Stingy Men Association and, deradicalisation, re-education and re-induction of its members to mainstream society.
“We will spare no cost in our efforts to save society from these misguided characters and them from themselves,” he concluded. [email protected]
