My wife can’t reveal her salary or help in paying bills at home
Thank you Ben for your question. We all come into the marriage with certain expectations. Some of these expectations stem from our upbringing or close relationships. If one saw their father provide everything for the mother, then most probably that will be their expectation. Or if while growing up, she saw her mum shoulder everything, she might have detested that and feared that she will always carry the financial burden in her marriage. Our friends and media can also influence our expectations.
The genesis of her expectation
What she is doing is not right, but there could be a reason she is holding back and not wanting to share. So, it is important to find out where her expectation that you should provide everything is coming from. You must talk about those expectations and determine whether or not they are realistic. Let her know that with what you are earning, you cannot be able to carry out all the financial responsibilities without her help. Put everything on the table, be open and transparent, maybe that may influence her to also come out in the open concerning her income.
Address her fears
You mentioned that your wife was in business when you got married. How was the business? Was it thriving? Did she make those demands then or was it when she got the job? Could it be that before she got the job, she silently suffered financially and that left her traumatised to a reaction that you should take care of every financial need in the home? Is it that she fears if she tells you how much she earns she will end up shouldering the financial bulk at home? It could even be her hormones acting up due to her pregnancy.
A sit down would help to establish the roots of the problem and possible solutions. Both parties need to understand each other to get a solution. Be honest with each other, especially on how much you can handle financially at home. Be specific on the help you need. If a trust was broken or if your wife felt mistreated when she wasn’t bringing much to the table, then you owe her an apology. If things don’t work, you might need a third party to help you see things in a different light.