Learning to keep a record of rights, not wrongs
From our experience as relationship and marriage coaches, whenever we give couples a sheet of paper and ask them to write on one side all the positive attributes of each other and all the negative on the other side, we have observed how quickly the negative side is filled. They struggle to come up with even just one positive thing about each other and tend to be full of criticism and blaming each other for their misery.
The way our human brain is wired doesn’t help as it tends to store and quickly retrieve all the negatives and hardly any positives. It is, therefore, imperative for us to intentionally remember and retrieve the positives if we want our relationships to thrive. And how can we do this?
I recently came across a great tool that can just help you do that. This tool by one Harley Storey, the Life Coach Tool Man, is called Your Miracle Diary.
In this diary, you are to record any good events in your life. As a couple, you can record the times your mate has loved you in a way that was meaningful to you, spent time with you, accepted you in spite of your shortcomings and supported you when you really needed their support. You can include the happy memories you have of your relationship.
You could also include experiences that have been painful or difficult and see if you can take something positive and create a silver lining from them. After all, they say every cloud has a silver lining. What silver lining can you see in your relationship? Identify one positive effect you can take from those not so good experiences in your relationship. What lessons can you learn from them and what do you need to forgive and let go?
If you are able to do this, you will begin to discover certain gems in each other and in your relationship. As you develop this positive attitude in your relationship, you will begin to appreciate each other more and when you do so, you will find that you value each other. When you value each other, you will no longer take each other for granted and that’s what will make the two continue to thrive as one.