Love & Lust: How to deal with emotional disagreement
You may find yourself in the middle of an emotionally charged disagreement with your boo. This may be due to a clash of ideas, perceived wrong, dissatisfaction, miscommunication, or bottled-up feelings. This can easily lead to a prolonged disrespectful shouting match, that may involve doing or saying things that will be regretted. It may also affect your relationship negatively in the long term. It’s important to diffuse emotions as soon as possible.
If bae is acting out of heightened negative emotions, don’t also raise yours to match theirs. Stay calm by taking deep breaths and reminding yourself mentally to be calm. Lower your tone of voice, relax the shoulders, and relax your facial muscles by trying to smile gently and create a special distance between you and Bae. Don’t leave the room yet, just don’t be too near them as this may trigger them further.
If they are speaking, don’t interrupt them. Listen carefully to what they say, the words they use, and what they keep repeating. Also, what they say first. This will give you an idea of what is really upsetting them. Listening doesn’t mean that you agree with them. By listening, you are respecting their point of view. Validate them by summarizing what they have said, in their own words.
You may ask open-ended questions to show genuine interest in their experience and perspective. You may also say supportive statements like ‘I am so sorry to hear that. That must be hard for you to go through.
Resist the urge to judge them and tell them what they should or shouldn’t feel or think. Allow them to vent. This is not always easy as your ego can interfere with this process. Remind yourself that there is no battle to be won. Ask yourself: Am I winning an argument or losing a valuable relationship?
If bae is anxious or uncomfortable, offer them reassurance and support. Let them know that you care about their well-being. If they are crying, don’t leave. Stay in the room and say something supportive like ‘I am here for you’.
If you find that the situation continues to escalate despite your calm and supportive presence, especially if Bae has intense anger and continues to say hurtful words to you, you can take a break.
You can say something like ‘I need to step out. I will be back. I need some time to process this”
The break can help both of you to calm down. It also assures bae that you still want to engage them later. That you are not running away.
When they have vented and the situation is calm, give your point of view. Begin to look for solutions to the problem, together by asking ‘How can we solve this in a way that is mutually beneficial?