Quality versus quant*ty in marriage
Recently, Grace and I celebrated 25 years of saying “I do”. Living together for that long is indeed an achievement in this time and age when many marriages are breaking apart.
This is not to say that the longer the two have been together the more successful their union is.
Some people have not grown an inch neither has their relationship grown more than a year, however long they have been together.
On the other hand, there are those who though married even for four years, have grown in their relationship.
The question is not just about quantity (the longevity) of the relationship, but its quality.
So we are not just satisfied with having been together that long, but more importantly, that we have actually enjoyed rather than endured those 25 years.
What’s the quality of your marriage? As a Chemistry graduate, I’m not just interested in passing the quantitative test, but also the qualitative test.
To pass the qualitative test, we need to ask ourselves these three questions.
Qualitative test
Do you consider your spouse as your friend, or he/she is just baba or mama nani?
The quality of your marriage is determined first and foremost by the quality of your friendship.
Do you live a shared life or you are just two independent people living together under the same roof and hopefully, even sleeping together on the same bed?
Secondly, how safe do you feel in your relationship so that you can be vulnerable with each other?
Are there things that you hold back from sharing with your spouse and what makes it hard for you to do so?
Intimacy is not just about sex, however important that is, it is about that deep emotional connection where we can have heart-to-heart conversations.
Finally, how much do you value and honour each other? So often, the longer we stay together, the easier it is for us to take each other for granted.
We can climb the mountains and go over the valleys for other people, but when it comes to our spouse we will complain and grumble.
For the two to remain one and enjoy being one, you need to cherish each other.
