Fragile masculinity afflicts more younger men now
Deepl ingrained in society are belief systems and stereotypes on both the male and female gender.
Men are expected to be independent and hence should be providers and protectors because women are stereotypically believed to be too dependent.
Men are expected to be unemotional because women are judged to be too emotional. Men should not wear pink because, pink is for girls.
These beliefs cut across many cultures, albeit in a subtle way, where there is constant pressure for men to behave, think and act in a certain way.
And it’s likely this affects all boys and men in a way, as the idea of “manliness” perpetuates domination, homophobia, and aggression.
This results to what has come to be known as fragile masculinity. Fragile masculinity refers to anxiety felt by men who believe they are falling short of these set cultural standards of manhood.
“We use the term “fragile masculinity” because, apparently, masculinity is something that’s so easily threatened,” shares sociologist Beatrice Nderitu.
Wind of change
As psychologist Tracy Nyaguthii shares, globalisation is pushing young African people to borrow behaviour and beliefs from the West. This has brought a lot of changes in the society.
The West is dealing with its own gender issues that are now trickling in our society, and as a result we have men leaning towards a more liberal outlook.
“The African context is more rigid and leans towards the traditional construct of a definition of a man.
Therefore, when a man with a liberal perspective meets a society that is traditional, this individual will struggle because there is a clash of his beliefs and what the society expects of him.
These can bring about identity issues and can cause a strain on the individual,” she says.
On the other hand, Tracy notes traditional roles of socialisation of both girls and boys are broken.
“In the past, grandparents, uncles and aunts taught boys and girls how to become responsible individuals in their various roles.
Nowadays, the extended family has disintegrated. Parents are busy looking for their daily bread.
Children are now taught by the television and Internet what it is to be a man.
This is bringing about individuals with an identity crisis,” shares the expert.
Over the years, Tracy says there has been a lot of empowerment programmes on the girl child and it seems like the boy child has been forgotten.
As a result, the girl child is outperforming the boy child. The boy child is left playing catch up and this, as the expert shares can bring about fragile masculinity.
“We also realise that since the boy child seems to be forgotten, many male children engage in various vices that are harmful such as substance abuse and crime.
Both the boy and girl child should receive equal psychological, social and economic empowerment,” she adds.
On the other hand, the traditional role of men being protectors and providers is becoming less and less relevant.
Women don’t have to wait for a knight in shining armour to save them as there are relevant institutions meant to protect all citizens.
Additionally, women have joined the labour force and can now bring home the bacon without relying on a man.
Communication lead at Freedom of Expression, Kenneth Kigunda shares how we are living in a dynamic time and era; a lot has changed, especially in life approaches.
“Cultures are diverse — they keep evolving through the interactions that we have with different people, tribes and cultures.
So men, can choose to wear pink, fitting colourful clothes or whatever they prefer.
It is hard to say that men have no feminine traits in them - when we look at how we are brought up, we spend almost 75 per cent of our childhood with our mothers.
Girls also spend more time with their fathers and borrow a lot of masculine characters.
If we put too much rules on what a man can or cannot do, we are infringing the God given freedom,” he says.
As for Mombasa-based business man Vincent Katana, the overly changing expectations of what a man must and must do is slowly creating a lot of insecurity in men, especially the younger generation, with fear of failing increasing mental disorders in men.
“With a lot of women empowerment, it almost feel like the agenda is to bring the boy child down.
When you try to level up, something else comes up. For instance, a man is no longer allowed to have negative feelings such as anger or react.
If you do, you are labelled a narcissist and if the accuser dares put you on social media, the world picks it from there.
You are torn down, other women warned about being in intimate relationship with you, feminists get on your neck.
Many men are sinking trying to meet standards, which are actually toxic,” he argues.
Fragile aggressive men
It is some of these expectations, experts argue, that might slowly be driving most men to stress, anxiety and to the brinks of suicide in a failing attempt to be or act how they are expected.
A recent study suggests that young men, whose sense of masculinity depends heavily on others’ opinions, may be the most triggered by a threat to their manhood.
The study, published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, further stated that when those men feel they are not living up to strict gender norms, they may feel the need to act aggressively to prove their manhood’ Fragile masculinity may result in violence against women or low self-esteem in men.
Psychologist Tracy shares that men are innately human and natural. “Bottling up emotions for a long time can bring about stress, anxiety, depression and other physical ailments such as ulcers,” she says.
She argues that parents need to step up in their parenting roles. Where there are gaps reach out to institutions to help in guidance and mentorship of children and young adults.
Empowering the boy child will also go a long way in dealing with the identity crisis in this society.
Additionally, the experts agree that society as a whole should think twice before mocking the males deemed as ‘unsuccessful men’.
Also, the individuals should care less about what other people think in terms of masculinity or femininity.
