Ruto allies: It was a courtesy call, not the hyped attempted coup

Sunday, October 4th, 2020 20:32 | By
It was a courtesy call, not the hyped attempted coup.

Mambo Matata

Deputy President William Ruto’s allies have dismissed claims their controversial visit to the Jubilee Party headquarters last week was an attempted coup.

On the contrary, they say, the visit was a courtesy call during which bilateral talks between the two wings of Jubilee took place.

“We were just in the neighbourhood doing our thing, you know, tanga tangaring, when we decided, well, why don’t we just pop into Jubilee Centre and say hi to Tuju and Murathe.

I mean, it has been a while since we touched base,” said one ally who identified himself as Uliam Damu.

He said they, however, did not find the two senior officials at the party headquarters but that did not stop them from holding fruitful discussions with other worthy party operatives.

Among the deliberations, he disclosed, was the suggestion that the Tanga Tanga team should donate a few wheelbarrows and mkokotenis to the party headquarters, as part of their charity across the country.

“As they say, charity begins at home. We  thought our party headquarters should benefit from our generosity.

We, therefore, broached the idea of delivering a few wheelbarrows and handcarts to the Pangani address,” said Damu.

Asked why Tuju and Murathe should accept the gifts, yet they do not by any stretch of the imagination fit the description of hustler, he said that at some point, the two officials may need to move out and they might want to make use of the wheelbarrows and mkokotenis to cart out their personal effects.

“Besides being generous in giving, the DP is also very generous at heart and he wouldn’t mind pushing Tuju and Murathe out of the headquarters in a wheelbarrow, as a gesture of humility and service to others,” he added.

On why the Tanga Tanga gang conveniently chose to wander into the Jubilee headquarters when the President was not in the country, Damu replied that it was a pure coincidence.

They had not even noticed that the President was out of the country, he said, because they were too busy delivering on the Jubilee manifesto, the Big Four Agenda and Vision 2030.

“The President gave us a job to do and we will not rest until every village in Kenya can boast of a Ruto branded wheelbarrow,” Damu said.

The wheelbarrows and mkokotenis, he said, would push every Kenyan across the poverty line and pull out every single citizen out of the social hole by 2022.

Meanwhile, Tanga Tanga’s rivals have accused them of not only starting the wheelbarrows race too early, but also turning politics into an unprofitable enterprise.

According to their detractors, it is not just too early to hand out wheelbarrows, it is also a serious political sin to hand out wheelbarrows, handcarts, water tanks or any such expensive things.

“I mean, what happened to the beautiful Kenyan tradition of giving our people lesos, T-shirts and crispy 50-shilling notes?

These people are just going to make campaigns too expensive,” said a Kieleweke politician who requested anonymity because he is not authorised to disclose trade secrets.

Political gifts, he said, should be as small and as perishable as possible to ensure the recipient is back for more the following day. 

“There are two solid years and they are all over the place as if the election will be held next week! But as a consolation, these people may dance themselves lame before the main dance,” he said.

He asked the electoral commission to investigate the matter and punish politicians who are trying to have an unfair advantage over their rivals by giving handouts before the campaign period is declared.

Kenyans have, however, welcomed the early windfall and urged other politicians to follow Tanga Tanga’s example.

“Walete tukule,” (let the goodies flow) growled a red-eyed hustler, hopefully waiting for a politicians’ caravan to pass by the local shopping centre.

Asked what he would do with a wheelbarrow if he was handed one, he mischievously pointed at a hardware store that stocks wheelbarrows. “Analipa vizuri,” (he pays well), he said. [email protected]

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