I’m worried my girlfriend won’t be a good mother
Hi Achokis,
I have been in a relationship for the past two years. My girlfriend has a 14-year-old child from a previous relationship.
What puzzles me is that she rarely talks about this child.
All I know is that the child was taken away by the father. Is there something wrong with her?
Why can’t she fight for her son? I love children and I wonder if she will be a good mum to our children?
We were hoping to settle down this year, but because of Covid-19, we have pushed our plans. Please help.
Our take
Thank you for reaching out to us. It is also encouraging that you have observed that your girlfriend does not talk much about her child.
Many people are carried away by love and fail to notice the red flags only to be shocked when they get married.
Many also fear that by asking questions or not disclosing the truth, they might end up losing the one they love.
It is important that some of these things be ironed out before saying “I do”. Thus openness is required from both sides.
Having mentioned that, have you asked her questions about her child and have you expressed your fears to her?
If you have, what has been her reaction? She probably would have a good reason why she’s not fighting for her son the way you expect her to.
Rarely will you find a woman who carries her child for nine months abandoning her child.
And so it is possible that she or her baby daddy comes from those communities where the child and, especially a son belongs to the man and that’s why she hasn’t insisted on keeping the child.
It could also be that the man was given custody of the boy for one reason or another and this displeased your girlfriend to the extent she hasn’t bothered to go after her son.
She may also have had a nasty break-up with her ex and in not wanting anything to do with him, has kept off even her son.
Could she be scared of talking about her child and losing you in the end? Or maybe she is just not interested in children now or in the future.
Try finding out why and if her reasons are not convincing, then you might have to think twice about proceeding on with the wedding.
In trying to talk to her, be gracious and not judgmental as the pain of losing her son could be unbearable and the only way she has dealt with it is to shut down.
Whatever the case, it is important you confront this issue during this Covid-19 season. - The writers are marriage and relationship coaches [email protected]
