Holiday season: Christmas spent away from home
The holiday season is many people’s favourite time of the year. It means reuniting with the larger family regardless of any other factors including race and religion.
People will travel from the urban centres to be with extended family in the village.
Not everyone is able to make the much needed trip though, especially those living abroad.
They have to cope. Acculturation is difficult for everyone — to leave one’s comfort zone and try to adapt to a new environment, whether for holiday, work, marriage, or seeking safety. It is even more challenging during the festive season.
Linda Jonyo moved to Germany in 2018. As she shares, Christmas in Germany is more exciting for the children with the ‘gifts’ mood settling in immediately after Black Friday.
Santa Claus brings gifts so the children have to leave their boots outside the house (of course Santa is the parents, but they don’t know this).
Differerent traditions, culture
“Christmas is all about family. Every family celebrates in their own way. Here in Germany, they value gifts.
And you have to get gifts for all the family members. This is what people get excited about the most.
There are also special Christmas meals for December 24, which includes oven baked goose, red cabbages and potato dumplings, and the alternative is potato salad, mayonnaise and sausages, so you get to pick the easier one.
There is church mass, but not as long as the ones held in Kenya, which end at midnight. Here, by 8pm the last mass is done,” she shares..
She adds, “I am lucky to have family here, because if you don’t have one, it means you have to spend Christmas alone.
Again, it’s very cold and there are normally no activities done outdoors. I miss Christmas at home.
First of all, it’s warmer and we are happier even without the gifts — just celebrating with friends, family and neighbours.
We sometimes make pilau and chapati on December 25th, but on December 24th you have to teach your children German traditions,” shares Linda.
Martha Alseba lives and works in Qatar, which is an Islamic region. The Christmas wind doesn’t blow as strong as it does in other parts of the world. This makes her miss home even more during the holiday seasons. Nevertheless, she still tries to keep the tradition together with a few friends.
“Christmas has a much low profile in Qatar compared to home, since it is an Islamic region, but we still try to keep the tradition, depending on the nature of our work.
For example, I am lucky to get a day off on Christmas, so that means I get to tag along with my friends to Church for Christmas Carols nights, host or visit a few friends for a private get-together either in a hotel or at home, with our decorated Christmas tree to keep the mood, eat our delicacies; nyama choma among others and make video calls to family and friends back at home,” she reveals.
Artist and designer Kitole Kenda on the other hand, relocated to Germany in February this year and it is his first Christmas away from his larger family in Kenya. Watching from a distance makes him more homesick.
“I see online how people are partying at home while we have a nationwide lockdown here.
Things seem very different because people party a lot in Kenya. From what I have gathered here, people celebrate on December 24th by sharing family meals together and gifts exchanging.
Back home, 25th is the main day. It’s snowing here. Not as heavenly as it looks because it’s really cold, roads are slippery and sun comes out at 3pm and it doesn’t shine every day.
I miss home, especially freedom of movement. Here you need an appointment even when visiting a friend.
Everything is structured and rigid. I cook chapati and beans once in a while, but still the coconut doesn’t taste as good as back home.
I miss mbuzi choma. Here, they don’t eat goat at all,” shares the artist.
Lonely Xmas, booming business
And for Koln-based business woman Phoebe Seiter, the holiday season might be good for business, but not so much to enjoy personally.
“I am not so much of a Christmas person because it is not so rosy. I got separated from my ex, and he lives with the children, so I don’t get to even spend Christmas with them despite the fact that they are in Germany too. So for me, Christmas is just cold.
I’m the only one in my family in Germany. My mum is in Kenya, while my sister is in the US.
Business wise, there is more food orders, I have more orders for goat meat right now and it’s hard to get goat,” intimates the Malaika Soul-food CEO.
Being away from home takes away the sense of belonging for an individual.
The challenges of adopting another culture and traditions can seem too large compared to the comfort you will experience.
Loneliness, anxiety, and depression can kick in, and people might find it hard to get acculturated.
Some resort to isolating themselves. Learning a different culture is possible, although still considered challenging.
Overcoming loneliness
Family Therapist, Shiku Fox shares some tips on overcoming loneliness during the holiday seasons.
“Prepare ahead of time,” she advises… “Start preparing what you want your holiday season to look like.
Tell yourself it is going to look different, but that is okay. Have some self- compassion and try to open yourself up to the joy of the holiday season around you. Get excited.
Think of things you love doing and look for similar activities to do. You do not have to abandon your hobbies just because you moved. Do something that will excite you.
For example, you can choose to volunteer in places where your presence will be welcomed and needed.
That will give you an opportunity to feel productive, wanted, and loved, rather than isolated.”
She shares how it is good to set reasonable and achievable goals. “Try not to have higher expectations than what is realistic. Instead, opt for something that you can accomplish.
For example, plan to talk to your family back home and share moments together. A simple phone call can make all the difference.
Seek help from your higher power. Looking outside ourselves helps us to recognise that life is bigger than just ourselves and what we go through.
Connecting with a higher power creates perspective, a potential new community of similar believers, and the space to feel accepted when times are tough.
In my case, I talk to God a lot, and He has given me the strength to overcome those feelings of loneliness, anxiety, fear, and depression,” she says in conclusion.
